The November Storm

When a Marine gets married, their wives are frequently considered to be “Married to the Marine Corps”. And there is a reason for that. The Marine Corps becomes a key player in EVERY aspect of your life. It is, in fact, as if there is a third spouse in the relationship. A more demanding spouse, and a more high-maintenance spouse. And I am finding, that it is very hard to divorce that spouse after 4 years of being married to it. Okay, so I was LEGALLY only married to it for a little over a year, but it was still “the other man/woman” while we were dating, so it’s essentially the same thing, and still interfered with my life just as much, if not more, than when I was married to the Marine Corps.

Either way, I blame this for the reason that many of my blog posts and writings still revolve around the Marine Corps or at least involve it in some way. It is still very much a part of my life (although not as invasive as before) and changed who I was and made me who I am today. There isn’t really a way to let that go, not that I even want to let it go. But even if I did, it certainly wouldn’t be easy.



A storm rolling out over the ocean.



Linking back to the title and first post of this blog, the biggest storm of my life came a little over a year ago. On November 16^th of 2009, Steve told me that it was possible he would be deploying in April. It was a Monday and one of my best friends, Ashley, and I had date nights every Monday where we cooked for each other and watched our weekly TV shows together. So she was at my apartment. And, although, I never wished for her to be put through the awkwardness of being in the room and hearing a one-sided phone call while I was being informed that he would likely be going to Afghanistan, I’m very glad that she was there. I was devastated. But it made it slightly less devastating to realize that I had a friend that was there when this storm was suddenly raging.

Needless to say, over the next few days and weeks she wasn’t able to spend every waking moment with me (and reasonably so!). Since I lived by myself, as soon as she left, I felt like my whole world had come crumbling down. Usually I am a night owl and stay up until 1 or 2 in the morning, but that night, after she left, I went straight to bed. And over the next few days, maybe even weeks (I lost track of time), I felt like I had no purpose and like my everything had been completely flipped upside down and torn apart. I went to my classes, but didn’t really pay attention to anything but the millions of thoughts running through my head about what would happen over the next few months. Work was probably the only place that I felt normal again, likely because Ashley was there, as well as one of my other best friends Brandi-who ALWAYS has something positive and encouraging to say and provides a new way to look at things.

But when I was at home, by myself, I didn’t function properly. I would go home and sink down into the futon and try to disappear. And when I realized that didn’t work, I would turn the TV on to some stupid show to occupy my mind until I eventually decided to just go to sleep. I frequently wouldn’t answer my phone. I more or less just wanted to shut myself away from the rest of the world and not think about all of the new changes and challenges that had just been shoved on my already full plate. It was probably one of the lowest times in my life.

Steve had just returned from a deployment the April before and, therefore, hadn’t even been home for a year. I was halfway through planning a wedding for June of 2010, and he was projected to leave during April of 2010—which, as you can guess, wasn’t going to work. Eventually I had to face the facts of the deployment and figure out how I wanted to adjust my plans to fit these changes. But it took at least a week before I could even come to terms to face it. I finally did, and we moved the wedding up to the middle of December, which left me with less than one month to plan, and resulted in me giving up any hope of ever having a “normal” wedding. We opted for a small family wedding then and a bigger one later. Although, I’m not sure at the time of the wedding that I had yet accepted and completely adjusted to the storm that had just caused my world to be knocked from my hands.

The deployment date was moved up to the beginning of March, and I eventually adjusted enough to deal with it. This was largely due to the support that my friends gave me. I was shocked to know how much they “got” it. How well they understood what I was going through, and how well they knew how to help me in coping. Frequently I hear other military wives talking about how they “just don’t have anything in common with their civilian friends anymore”, and as a result those friendships are frequently broken and replaced with friendships with other military wives.

As soon as March hit, it was as though Ashley and Brandi were set to keep me busy all the time so that my mind was occupied and time would go faster. I didn’t ask them to do this. They just knew. When Steve would call while I was at work, they would “cover” for me so I could talk to him. I didn’t ask them to, and had actually just accepted the fact that I wouldn’t be able to answer and hoped that he would leave a voicemail so I could at least hear his voice. But if he called, and they knew about it, they practically pushed my down the stairs, because they knew how important it was to me to be able to talk to him. They realized that if I didn’t talk to him right then, I might not hear from him again for 2 or 3 weeks, or maybe even a month, or maybe even ever again. Something that many people, who have never had to be in that situation, have a hard time understanding. I never had to explain anything to them. They just “got” it. Sometimes it’s difficult to explain these types of things, even having gone through it, but yet despite never having to experience anything like it, they understood it. They are two pretty incredible ladies and I’m so glad that they stuck with me and let me use them as my “crutch” to make it through this.

I soon realized that this was the rainbow that God gave me after having to endure the storm of a lifetime. I think that my friendship with each of these girls was deepened in a way that never would have happened without this storm occurring. They were with my all throughout one of the hardest times in my life thus far, and helped me through every inch of it. I am so thankful for both of them.

I am also thankful for the storm. Looking back, there’s nothing I would have changed about it. Not even the part where I was essentially a zombie. It reminded me that it’s okay to have moments of weakness, and also reminded me that no matter how much I planned and how hard I tried to dictate what the future holds, there is just no way of knowing what the future holds and what God has planned for you. It also taught me to be more flexible and that all the worrying in the world isn’t going to change what has happened, what is happening, and what will happen. I found a very noticeable difference in myself starting in November of 2009 and leading up until today, that is a direct result of this low point in my life. God is continuing to use the military lifestyle and happenings to shape me into who I am becoming. It’s also said, “Once a Marine Wife, always a Marine Wife”. It’s something that just can’t be let go.

“…many mountains we must climb before we’ll be free, but he never told me about the bruises on my knees. And how they’d be the map that leads to where I need to be…who knows what the thunder and lighting will bring. Maybe the storm will cover my dreams, maybe the sun will shine no more. Who knows which way the wind is blowing and when we look back on these things, we won’t cry no more…”

--Zac Brown Band “Who Knows”