Movement

I’ve never been particularly great in the compliment department and by not particularly great, I mean I don’t give them out often. Part of the reason is probably due to the fact that I always feel mildly awkward when someone compliments me. “I like your shirt.” “Uh, thanks? I guess?” I mean, I didn’t design it. I just picked it off a rack, tried it on, thought it looked okay and bought it. Or in the more likely case for me, I found it on a clearance rack for a hell of a bargain and it fit so why the heck not? But at the same time, it seems rude not to say anything back. Since I always feel a little awkward about such exchanges, I always (probably wrongly) assume that everyone else does too, so I just steer clear altogether.

Probably the bigger reason I’m not so great with the compliments, though, is that I’m not very observant. Yep. I’m one of those people that wouldn’t notice if you got your hair cut or probably even if you changed your hair color. My co-worker has occasionally made comments like, “I think I just wore this shirt last week.” And I will respond “Eh. You could wear the same shirt every day and unless it’s blaze orange, I wouldn’t notice.” And it’s true. Attention to detail when it comes to numbers: A++. General observations of everything in day to day life: Fail. Major fail. Go back to chapter one. Better luck next time. Maybe try it with your glasses ON this time around.

There are some people I know that are really great at compliments and really generous with giving them out. And there’s nothing wrong with that. I don’t doubt for a second that they are being genuine. Because what would be the point in going out of your way to tell someone you like their shirt or their hair if you don’t, in fact, ACTUALLY like their shirt/hair?

BUT, have you ever noticed that the compliments we tend to give to each other always seem to be related to superficial things? “I like your shirt!” “Cute hair cut!” Or even “You look great!” if someone has just lost weight or just had a baby or something. I mean, I guess it makes sense because (most) women (especially) are insecure about the superficial things. We have no problem picking out our physical flaws so it only seems natural to compliment them on their looks to give them a little ‘boost’.

But do you know what else (most) women (and possibly men, but I can’t really speak for them) are insecure about? Pretty much everything. How they’re doing as mothers. How they’re doing as wives. How they’re doing as homemakers. How they’re doing in general as productive members of society. Or even just what people really, truly think of them as human beings. And yet we never seem to compliment each other on these things. On the attributes that we find admirable about each other.

Admit it. There are people in your life (men or women) that you admire. That you see and think “Man, they’ve really got their life together.” (They probably don’t feel like they do, by the way) or “This person is really great at (insert admirable quality of choice here).” Or “Man, I really think they’re doing something great.” You think it, but you’ve never actually TOLD them you think that, have you? WHY NOT?! Why do we sit in silence as we witness people doing inspiring and admirable things and then never say anything?

Is it out of fear? Do we think that these people already know they are awesome and that they are just going to think we’re creepy/absolutely nuts for just pointing out what they already know? Do we think that they don’t need or want to hear what we see in them that makes them stand out (in a good way) to us?

If I’ve learned anything from my recent blogposts that have been a little more raw and honest than in the past, it’s that a lot of people feel/think very similarly to me and likely to you too. So, what’s the hold up? Don’t we all have insecurities about who we are as people? And if we do, why do we all sit and admire each other in silence instead of trying to help people get past their insecurities by giving them a fresh perspective of what the world (or at least you) sees? By just telling them that you admire them or are encouraged by them. Why is it SO EASY to compliment each other on superficial things – clothes, hair, etc. but so terrifying to compliment people on who they are as people?

It’s something that I’ve thought about fairly regularly over the past six or so months and I’ve decided to start making a change. Instead of instantly shutting it down as “I can’t say that, they might think I’m crazy”, I’ve started asking myself, “What the worst that can happen?” Most of the time, the answer is “They might think I’m nuts and never talk to me again.” Which, I guess in the case of someone you admire could be devastating. But it could also be argued that if they can’t take a compliment, then maybe they’re really not all that great to begin with.

The second thing I ask myself is “What’s the best thing that could happen?” You could go with the obvious answer which would be “I could make their day.” But I choose to dream a little bigger and instead my answer usually ends up being “My words could give them the little push they need over edge they’ve been hovering on that will send them soaring into something that will completely alter the course of their life – for the better.” After I ask myself these two questions, if the best thing that could happen outweighs that worst thing that could happen (and it usually does) then I just go for it. I tell them (usually via FB messenger) because what do we have to lose, really? Some of you have maybe already been the recipient of one of these messages. Most of you will likely end up with a message completely out of the blue one day.

I think it’s interesting. I recently found out that a friend had been contemplating a similar idea. And she had a friend who had been contemplating it too. So here we all are, once again, THINKING about it, but not actually doing it. How many more are out there? Thinking the same thing? Feeling like maybe a step in being brave and honest is exactly what the world needs, but either not sure how to go about it or too scared to make that step?

I think it’s time to take steps. To start movement. Get on the train. Don’t sit and admire from afar without ever telling people. Encourage people. Compliment them – and not just on their appearance. Let people know that you think they rock at life (because let’s be honest, NONE of us ACTUALLY think that we are rocking at life). Be real. Be honest. After all, what’s the worst that could happen?

Fearless

“So, like, what’s going on with your book, Kayla?”

I ask myself that question multiple times a day. Since the last time I mentioned my book, I recruited a few more people to read it and the feedback has been (mostly) positive. Full of constructive criticism and encouragement. It still needs a lot of work, which is to be expected. While “winging” things has become a part of my daily life and I’ve gotten relatively good at it, writing a book isn’t exactly something you can “wing” and have it come out a-okay the first time around.

I haven’t worked on (or even looked at) it or any other projects in oh, 4(?) months? Mostly because: tax season. But also because I’ve been undecided on where to go next.

Writing takes a lot of time. Like. A lot. And even when you’re not actively working on it, you’re still working on it because your brain is still writing even when you aren’t (or at least that’s been my experience).

I feel like I’m currently at a crossroads with one direction being “keep at it, but then you’re all in, you’re working it until completion” and the other direction being “just let it go, but then that’s it. LET. IT. GO.”

I think the majority of the struggle comes in that I’m not really a quitter so my instinct is to keep going. But at the same time, I feel like that would be taking the easy way out. Yes, you read that right. And yes, I meant what I said (typed?). Continuing to work the story would be the easy way out.

Confused? Good. Now we’re on the same page.

In my first blogpost about my book, I mentioned that I learned some things about myself and that I had a desire to get back to the fearless person I once was. And that feeling has continued to grow inside of me. I’ve started doing some things to get me back there, but there’s definitely still a long ways to go.

Much like reading, writing is an escape from real life. Whether you mean it to be or not. When you read, you can transport yourself into the shoes of the characters and pretend to be in their life, rather than your own. Writing is the same, except to an even higher degree because not only do you see the story exactly as it is meant to be seen (rather than as your interpretation of what someone else dictates you to see) but you also get to control EVERYTHING. What people look like. What they do. What they say. What the overall outcome of their actions are. You get to determine everything. And if you don’t like how something pans out, all you have to do is hit delete a few times and type something new to change it. It’s great. Unrealistic when compared to reality. But great. As a result, it’s so easy to just check out of your own life and create (and live in) an alternate reality for a while. And while that sounds appealing at times, it’s easy. It’s easy to write about who you with you were, the things you wish you were doing, the kind of life you wish you were living. Much easier than actually going out and making yourself into that person and doing those things.

As someone who has never had many close friends and has struggled to make friends at all for most of my adult life, it’s easy to spend all of my spare time at home lost in writing where I can create my own friends to accompany the character modeled after who I want to be (Does that make me sound like I belong in a looney bin?). But is that really what I want? Not really. I mean, it’s great at times, and for a little while, but I don’t really want to just sit around and lose myself in an alternate reality. I want to go out there and create my own reality. Live life. Live it fearlessly. And live it in a way that the characters in the books I read and write would with they lived in my reality instead of the other way around.

I vowed in the middle of tax season when it was all I could do to make sure I ate something occasionally and got enough sleep to survive justonemoreday, that this summer was going to be my summer of adventure. That I was going to go places. Do things. Weekly.

So far I’ve been off to a slow start on my summer of adventure. Because: adult responsibility and dogs who are accident prone and need staples annually. But I’ve got some weekend get-a-ways and other things on my calendar that are HAPPENING that I’m really excited about and some more ideas that have been tossed around that I’m hoping fall into place. And I’m just plain excited about it all. Giddy even. And the more I add to my calendar, the more I want to pile more on top of it. To keep the momentum going. To keep pushing myself further outside of my comfort zone and into fearlessness. To not be hindered by “buts” and “what if’s” but instead be looking toward the “what nexts”. To go out and make new friends and just love living and the people who happen to be experiencing those moments with me, whether I actually know them or whether they are just strangers who happen to be in the same place at the same time.

Do you have something you’ve always wanted to do? Somewhere you’ve always wanted to go but no one has wanted to do it/go with you? Just need a break from life and need someone to go on an adventure with? Sign me up. Let’s do it together. I’ve got room for lots more adventure. It’s summer. It’s time to stop hiding from life and live it. Fully. Fearlessly.

“Wait, wait, wait. So, where does that leave you in regards to the initial question in this blogpost, Kayla?”

Honestly? Still at the fork in the road…