Face of War Friday

Okay, so it’s not Friday anymore, but this happened on Friday so I’m counting it as close enough.

On Friday, Steve and I went to the tech school and took a tour and completed some paperwork so we can get him enrolled for the fall semester. I think this was my first “shock” of being back in civilian life. We showed up to a room filled with 15 high school students and their parents. I had gotten so used to everything being Marines and their wives/fiancés/girlfriends, without ever seeing or hearing about their parents—although I know they were out there somewhere being supportive from a distance! I quickly found out, that I was the only wife there with a future college student, even though he didn’t look all that much older than the others there.

Steve also had to complete a Physical Fitness Evaluation to ensure that he was “fit” enough to be in the Law Enforcement Program. It was here, while sitting with the parents, watching the complete their physical evaluations that I noticed a difference. I realized that there was something different about him. Something different about his face. It is a Face of War. It is eyes that have seen far away lands, and both the good, and bad, things that are happening there. It is ears that have heard gunshots being fired at him, as well as the gunshots of his buddies who are helping to defend him. It is lips that have been coated in dust from the desert sands and the strong winds. It is skin that has been exposed to the sun and the heat. It is hair that has been covered up by a helmet that can save a life. All of these things together make up a face. A face that has seen things that many people, including myself, can’t even imagine. It is a face that has seen far more than the face of an average 21-year old. And a face that made him look different, to me anyway, than the other 15 future students.

I also soon found out that he not only had a Face of War, but also had a Body of War. I was nervous for him before he took the evaluation and he wasn’t nervous at all (go figure!). He read over the requirements to passed and laughed a little while he read them. I didn’t think they sounded that easy, but he seemed to think that they were! Although the Marine Corps has really taken a toll on his body with a knee and shoulder that seem to constantly cause problems and a hip that sometimes does—all a result of war injuries, he passed the physical evaluation with flying colors. Most of the other students passed as well, but it was easy to see that their bodies had not been conditioned for war like Steve’s had. Many of them started off running fast at the beginning or doing sit-ups or push-ups as quickly as possible, but slowed down quite a bit—and sometimes even stopped—once the end had approached. Steve maintained a steady pace throughout all of the activities—sometimes not starting off quite as fast as the others, but always finishing stronger than all of them. He was smart enough to pace himself—something I’m sure he learned very quickly after enduring long PT runs in boot camp, and something that came in very useful in a warzone when traveling over rough terrain. After completing the different areas of the fitness test, many of the others were red-faced, and huffing and puffing as if they had just completed a marathon, but Steve finished and looked as though he was a little bored. For his body had been conditioned for war. He was used to carrying “dummies” that had 80 pounds of gear on top of their actual weight. He was used to running with 80 or more pounds of gear on his body while carrying a gun. His body is a Body of War. Conditioned for it. Trained for it. But at the same time, weakened by it.

I am so proud of him for all that he has done and all of the difficult things he has had to face that have given him that Face of War. The things that have made him who he is today. I am so proud if him for doing as well as he did in the fitness evaluation—even though it is one of the easier things he’s had to accomplish. He will always be a Face of War. It’s what makes him who he is. It’s what makes me love him more and more every day.

5 Years

I never imagined that I would be married at the age of 21. Actually, I never imagined that I would be married at all. I think I was the first one in my grade (except for those that got unexpectedly pregnant, or were part of what could be considered a modern day arranged marriage). Weird. I also never expected to experience all of the things that I have experienced in my lifetime at such a young age. But I’m glad that I have.

With my 5 year high school reunion coming up (I know, big deal—5 years), I have been thinking about my high school classmates and what they have been doing with their lives and where they are at—if they are married or engaged, or if they have kids. If they have found their dream job, and where they “ended up” and whether they are happy with where their lives are at. At the same time, I have been thinking about my own life, and whether I am satisfied with where my life is at right now and this is what I have decided.

Although it would be nice if I had a job right now, I am satisfied with where I am at. I am lucky enough to have experienced the things that I have experienced (I also never imagined myself living in a different state) with full support and encouragement from friends and family. I am lucky enough that I have parents who are willing to do a little more work and endure a “different” lifestyle than before so that my husband and I have somewhere to stay while we attempt to start life over in a different part of the country.

I have amazing friends (that I NEED to go visit soon) that always understood the things that I was going through. I always hear so many stories about friends “breaking up” while the boyfriend/husband of one is deployed because they just don’t understand each other. Luckily, my friends were never like that and were bigger advocates of keeping me busy so time went by faster than I was. And for that I am very thankful!

I am very thankful that I have graduated college, with not one, but two degrees. Although I still find myself wishing I could go back to school and take some more classes. I’m sure I will some day—maybe after all my loans from this time around are paid off!

I am also lucky enough to have a husband who puts up with me. I’m sure sometimes I drive him absolutely nuts but he still puts up with me. I’m so impressed with how good of a team we make and how well we work together to get things done—especially with all of the current “rearranging” going on with moving back. I’m so glad that he’s always willing to help me with whatever I need and that he doesn’t complain too much when I ask him to do something for me.

There are a few other aspects of my life that could use some repairing, but I am working on that now that I have a little extra time. Sometimes I am so blinded by all of the good things going on around me that I forget who blessed me with these things, and I forget the areas of my life that could use some assistance. My next goal is to work on these things so that maybe by the time the 5 year reunion rolls around I will have everything back on track and will be able to say that everything in my life is exactly as I want it to be.

Best of Intentions

Okay, so I have been exceptionally bad about blogging lately—I have had the best intentions, but before I know it, it’s 1 am and I’m ready for bed.

A couple days ago, we made it back to cold, snowy Minnesota. We were greeted by -20 degree temperatures. Yippee. Thus started the moving in and rearranging of the old stuff in order to fit the new stuff. Which still isn’t done, by the way. However, the first thing I did, after carrying in the bare necessities (we arrived late and left the car to unpack for the next day) was to dump some of the sand that I had collected from right outside our door in North Carolina, into the jar that we got in Wilmington (also in North Carolina) and put it on the shelf right next to my side of the bed. So, every morning I wake up to a little piece of a place that still holds quite a bit of my heart.

I am also back to the “to do list” lifestyle. It was so nice being away from having to do anything outside of things like “collect shells on the beach”, and “make something for supper”. Now all of a sudden, having been back for 5 days, I have a “to do” list a mile long. I guess that’s life though!

Today I discovered that I have the best of intentions to do a lot of things. I always have, but it seems that a lot of those things never actually got carried out. So, I am going to try to start working toward achieving some of my intentions—especially since I have quite a bit of free time on my hands for the time being! I am finding that some of my “best intentions” from my past, have found their way into my present, which I take to mean that I am never going to be truly satisfied until I actually make a whole-hearted attempt at accomplishing them. This, of course, doesn’t seem to be helping the whole “mile long to-do list thing”.

So starts my new attitude toward my intentions of doing things. I am really, honestly going to try my hardest to accomplish some of my long awaited goals and desires to do certain activities. I suppose you could consider it the start of my “bucket list”. Wish me luck on being able to maintain my ambition!