…like, really real.

               If you follow me at all on social media (I’m guessing you do if you’re reading this). Then you have probably seen my “self-care” posts that show themselves on occasion. Now, before I continue, I’m guessing that I can probably draw a line right down the middle of everyone who just read that. One side is screaming “YEEESSSSS!” and the other is rolling their eyes and thinking “self-care, blah, blah, blah” with a shout out to maybe a few people out there who are thinking “huh? Self-care? What’s that?”

But let me tell you something, the ones that are screaming “YEEESSSSS!”? Those are the ones who’ve got it figured out. If I’m being 100% honest with you, I used to be in the group that would be rolling their eyes. You think “self-care is such a scam” until one day, you find yourself at home on your lunch break crying/hyperventilating on your closet and/or bathroom floor because suddenly everything that’s happening is just “too much” and all you can think is “there must be a better way to deal with this.” There is, my friends, there is.

I recently read an article that a friend shared on Facebook that talked about self-care – clearly from the stand point of an eye-roller. And the article mostly talked about how self-care wouldn’t be necessary if the people sitting in their bubble baths would stop ignoring their responsibilities and build a life that they don’t need to escape from. And while I agree – to an extent – I also think whoever wrote the article totally missed the mark.

Is it important to fulfill your responsibilities and not ignore them? Yes. Is it important to build a life that you’re proud of? Yes. Does it mean that if you participate in self-care that you are failing at both of those? No. In fact, I think it is precisely the people who are doing the first two things that so vitally need the third.

As stated previously, I have always been responsible. I’ve never smoked a cigarette (or anything else). I didn’t drink until I was 21, and I still have never been “drunk”, no sex until marriage (TMI?), I’ve never quit a job without having something else lined up. I was married by the age of 21 to a man I love with a dog that’s like a spoiled child. I was a business owner by age 23. I had a mortgage on a house on 5 acres of land by the age of 25 and was debt free (with the exception of aforementioned mortgage) before 30. I have a job that I’ve been at for 5 years and still love to go to (almost) every day. I do a monthly budget AND a monthly meal plan every month. Sounds like I’ve build a life I can be proud of, right? And that according to whoever wrote the article, I should have no need for self-care, right? Wrong.  

A lot of that has happened exactly how you would expect. From hard work and determination. And there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s a good thing. And I’m proud of it. But somewhere along the way, “responsibility” became more important than “me”. I haven’t been on a full out vacation in 8 years. Have I traveled? Yes. But it’s been to business conferences. I haven’t actually taken even a single day off from work in 8 years (except for weekends and holidays) that wasn’t either because I was sick or doing “business owner” things. Why? Because my brain tells me that it’s not “responsible” to just take a day off and sit at home and do nothing. And that it’s not “responsible” to be spending money on things like vacations when you could be paying off your mortgage or saving for retirement, right? Also wrong. But I have a hard time convincing myself of that.

Enter: Self-care.

Self-care means different things to different people. And, honestly, sometimes it means different things to the same person depending on the day. What does it mean for me? It’s a reminder to do something that isn’t necessarily the responsible thing. Does it mean that I am going to go off the deep end and throw all of my responsibilities out the window, never to be dealt with again? No. That would probably send me to the loony bin. Self-care can easily be found in the “little things”. “Responsibility” says that you should do the dishes right away but “self-care” says the dishes will still be there in an hour (or tomorrow) so if you want to sit and read a book for little while, do it. “Responsibility” says that you shouldn’t buy the premade cookies, because you can make your own for much cheaper. But “self-care” says that you don’t have the time/energy to make your own, so just buy the premade cookies. “Responsibility” says that you shouldn’t do things like snow-tubing because you might break your leg which not only would be a major pain when it comes to hobbling around, but also expensive. But still, “self-care” says that broken bones heal and that’s what insurance and HSA’s are for.

Let’s be honest. Adulting? Not nearly as much fun as I had anticipated it would be. But I’ve discovered it’s largely because of what I’ve trained myself to believe. That adults must always choose the most responsible/safe/cost effective option in every situation. But I’m finally learning that that’s just not true. And that I need to stop and ask myself “what do I want to do?” And I need to ask myself every day. Because if I don’t, I fall right back into forgetting that I can choose something other than the most responsible option.

Don’t take being an adult too seriously because it will drag you down. Choose to do the things that maybe aren’t expected. Choose to do the things that a younger, carefree version of yourself would have done without thinking twice. Choose the things that will make you a happier person. Because the happier you are, the more of a difference you are likely to make in the lives of others. And that’s what really matters. Not whether or not there’s dishes on the counter or the floors have been vacuumed. Not how many days you’ve worked without a day off. Not the kind of car you have parked in the driveway or how many square feet your house is.

It’s how many rides you give in that car and how many people you invite into those square feet. But you can’t do that if you can’t get off of your closet/bathroom floor so if taking a 5 minute break from your day and eating a brownie (regardless of how ‘unhealthy’ they are) will keep you from that, then I say take 10 minutes and eat 2! (Kidding.) (Kind of.) Taking a 5 minute break from your responsibilities isn’t going ruin your life. Unless, of course, your current responsibility is putting out an actual fire. In which case you may want take your brownie to go and call the fire department between bites. J

Take the break. Eat the brownie. Choose self-care. And choose it daily.