The Lull Before the Storm

In March, Steve’s parents made their way out to North Carolina to see him. I wished so much that I could go with, but unfortunately I couldn’t—I had to go to classes instead. But, it wasn’t terribly long before he came home again, and his visits became more frequent for a little while. This is another part in the “Marine Corps Era” of our lives that I don’t remember a whole lot about. It was pretty boring. Which was okay—because when it comes to the military, boring is ALWAYS good. It seems like the more boring your life was, and the more you blended in with the woodwork, the better off you were.

I do know this though. I was dreading summer, because I knew that it would be harder. It always was. During the school year I had classes every day, homework every day, and friends to hang out with when school wasn’t consuming my time. Oddly enough, I also dreaded the weekends during the school year, because people went home, including myself, and there just wasn’t as much to keep me busy. But summers were the worst. Nothing to do to keep my mind busy. Even with a job, the jobs I had usually consisted of a lot of waiting for people. And the kind of waiting where you can’t work on something else while you wait, the kind of waiting where you can just sit and think—which is never a good thing when your boyfriend, and best friend, is in a different state.

I didn’t realize that this was the lull before the storm.

He was home for Memorial Day (I think), and again for the 4^th of July. And then on August 5^th, he came home for the last time for at least 8 months. It was the pre-deployment leave for his first deployment. During that time, we spent some time in the cities doing some shopping, and also a few nights in Marshall. We spent time at the lack with family and just relaxing at home. He was home for 2 full weeks. Which, although it was the longest leave he had taken since he joined, still wasn’t long enough.

On the 19^th, I cut his hair and sent him off to the cities with his mom and dad to catch his plane. I must say, saying goodbye when the other half of your heart is just going halfway across the country is difficult. But saying goodbye when it is going halfway around the world to a different country—unsure of when it will return, is near impossible. Especially if you want to attempt to keep some of your composure. I once again found that it was the hardest thing I had ever had to do.

The most torturous thing about deployments, is there are so many “lasts” that you must face. First, it was the last time I would see him for at least 8 months. Then, it was the last time I would talk to him on the Internet, for at least 8 months. Then, it was the last time that I would be able to dial the number to his cell phone and expect someone to answer other than the voicemail. The last phone call came on August 28^th, about an hour before he drove his AAV out in the water to get on the ship that would take him to far away, unknown places.

This, initially spurred a new obsession. I had a little calendar, and I wrote down EVERYTHING. I wrote when we talked on the phone and how long we talked, where he was calling from, when I sent him letters, when I received letters. When I got emails, significant events that were happening while he was away. You name it, I probably have a record of it. I made copies of every single letter I sent, knowing that they all might not make it back with him when he returned. I kept them in a binder, along with deployment related emails from the military, other family members, and even some news articles about the places Steve was going.

I have been quite thankful that I started this obsession, and in some ways even wish I would have taken it further and written more about what I was experiencing. I wish that I had kept track of how I got to where I was going next.