It Must Be Love...

 **This post has been sitting in my "unfinished queue" for a week now..and I finally got to finishing it. Again, I am still sucking at the whole experimenting with my camera and taking pictures thing, so here are some of our wedding pictures.

One of the most common questions military spouses get, especially while their significant other is deployed, is, “How do you do it?” And I think I can speak for most all military spouses when I say, “We do it because we have to”. There is no other way to explain it. I don’t know how I did it. And to be honest with you, most days it seems like it was all a dream, like I didn’t actually do it at all. When I was going through it, it didn’t feel like my life was any different than anyone else’s. It didn’t seem that hard—most days.

The anticipation of being separated (by deployment) is FAR worse than when it actually happens. The first two weeks are “adjustment weeks” and then after that, you find a new routine, a new kind of normal, and coping mechanisms that make the rest of the time seem not quite so bad.

That being said, I find myself wondering how I ever did it. On Saturday, Steve went to a meeting in the cities for the business. It was only going to be a one day thing. And I knew that. I could have gone with him—I didn’t have anything going on, and families are usually welcome to come to those types of things, and sometimes even encouraged to go to them. But, he was riding with his brother, who was picking up a couple others, and he assured me that it wouldn’t be anything I would find interesting anyway. So, I decided to stay home and try to work on my mountain of things to do.

Friday night, I was absolutely dreading the next day. I hated the thought of being home, by myself, without him. I hated that I had to be away from him. Even if it was only for 12 hours—4 of which I was sleeping. On Saturday, I started missing him—like REALLY missing him, by about noon. And I slept in until like 10. It seems to happen at work every day too. About halfway through the day, I just start missing him like crazy and can’t wait until he comes home so I can see him and be with him.

I am laughing here, even though it kind of looks like I am mid-sneeze

Every weekend seems to fly by so fast, and then we are back to a WHOLE WEEK of going our separate ways, and doing our own things when I wish we could both just stay home all day every day and snuggle up on the couch and watch movies or something.

He keeps me sane and seems to find a way to solve all my problems. Tonight, I completely broke down and started crying over what I THOUGHT was a newly broken Christmas gift that I had been attempting to fix for about 3 hours. Steve saw how frustrated I was, put down what he was doing, and had my problem fixed in about 3 minutes. Apparently, it’s not broken, just ridiculously temperamental.  I’m not entirely sure what I would have done if he weren’t here, or what I did when he wasn’t here. Probably got ridiculously frustrated, cried, and then pretended that whatever problem I was having didn’t exist.

I don’t know how I survived with him gone. There’s no way to explain it, and no way for my brain to comprehend how I was capable of such a feat. Although I’m sure that I could do it again, if I had to, it doesn’t seem like it would be possible for me survive that long without him again. Especially when I feel like I can barely survive one day without him.

As much as being away from each other, and the deployments and the separation, and everything that goes along with the military lifestyle strengthened us, both individually, and as husband and wife, I think that the being able to actually be together has continued to make us stronger. And has succeeded in making me something that I wasn’t able to be for a long time. A spoiled wife who gets to be with her husband almost every day for at least a little while, and a wife who gets to snuggle up to her husband pretty much every night.

The only way I can explain all of it, this whole post. Everything that I’ve experienced in the last 5 years, everything I’m feeling right now, everything I hope to continue, is that it must be love. We must really have something special. I didn’t ever really doubt this. I mean, I did put up with 4 years of military, 2 deployments for the man. And married him—twice. But sometimes it’s kind of refreshing to take a look at the bond that you have, the feelings that you share, and be reminded how important people are to you.

On a (somewhat) side note, I’m not generally all that concerned about what other people think of me, but I do occasionally wonder, if certain things I do, or don’t do, are perceived by others to be something that they’re not. (How’s that for a confusing statement). One of those things that I sometimes wonder, is if the way my husband and I act around each other is appropriate for a couple who is fairly newly married, and fairly newly reunited after a deployment. (Leaning along the lines of, “Are we being lovey-dovey enough?”—I’m not a big fan of PDA).

Today I got a nice reassurance. I was sitting in church, before church actually started. And I had gone early since I volunteered to help with a Sunday School class. After Sunday School, I went into the sanctuary to find a spot and I sat there and waited for Steve to arrive. I talked a few people and Steve finally came and sat next to me. Shortly after, the church service started, starting with the standard “Stand up and greet your neighbors”. I turned around and shook the hand of the middle-aged man sitting behind me. I’m not going to say he was a complete stranger. He wasn’t. I had talked to him a couple times before. But it’s not like I have spent a lot of time conversing with him either. Generally we say “Hi” to each other and that would be it. You know, one of those deals where you know each other, but you don’t usually talk about anything of any real value. Anyway, upon saying the “Good mornings”, and the handshakes, (I wish I could remember his exact words) but he said something along the lines of, “I think it’s really good that you still get that twinkle in your eye when you look at him”. I was a little dumbfounded that someone I barely knew would notice something like that, but at the same time, encouraged that my love for Steve shows to other people.

 

I guess the only way to explain it is, it must be love…