Lessons

I originally wrote this post about 2¹/₂  months ago, but it never actually made it to my blog, although I really wanted it to. Since then, some of it has been rendered irrelevant and “outdated”, so, here goes version 2.0.

I have been job searching – which stinks – and I haven’t found anything yet. I have applied for some. Some that I would really like doing, but the verdict is still out on them. And lately, there hasn’t been much more to apply for. I am hoping that one of the “outstanding ones” pulls through, or some others come up soon so I can at least feel like I am ACTIVELY searching and not just sitting around.

That being said, I am beginning to reconsider some things. I am not sure why God decided that the job I was working wasn’t the job for me, but He did. And luckily, I have found many positive things that have happened because of it.

I have been able to spent some time with my niece and nephews. One of my nephews, I was able to watch for 4 days – and he is the one that I see the least out of my 3 nephews and 1 (now 2) nieces. It was nice to be able to hang out with him and do activities with him. He is 4 and I think that is such a fun age because you can actually DO things with them that younger kids aren’t old enough to do, and older kids aren’t interested in doing.

I was also able to spend some extra time with my twin niece and nephew while awaiting the arrival of their new sibling (a sister), and after the arrival of their sister. I was happy that I was able to help out my sisters-in-law and spend time with my nieces and nephews all at the same time!

Another positive thing that has come out of this is that I was able to help with my cousin’s benefit more than I ever would have been able to if I was working 40 hours a week. When I was still working, I purchased a pattern for a cross-stitching that I wanted to complete and donate for the silent auction part of the benefit. I purchased it with less than 2 months to finish it. I knew that in order to finish it, I might have to pull some overnighters, maybe sacrifice some summer fun, or risk being viewed as anti-social by bringing it to family events and working on it there. But the image on the cross-stitching was just too beautiful and too “fitting” for the circumstance to not do it. So, I was willing to take on no-sleep, no-fun, and being anti-social. However, since I wasn’t working, I was able to work on it at a semi-leisurely pace and finish in enough time that I could get it custom framed. After it was finished, I realize that I would have gotten SIGNIFICANTLY less sleep than I had planned if I was ever going to finish it and work at the same time. I was also able to help with fundraising, advertising, and putting on the benefit. What a wonderful thing to be able to participate in!

The cross-stitching I donated for the benefit, titled "In His Hands".

My most recent positive about not working, is that I was able to help my dad out on the family farm. I have never been interested in farming, and the closest I ever really came to “helping” was doing the occasional pig chores, and rock-picking. Earlier this week, my dad called me and asked if I would be interested in driving semi for him while he combined. I decided I would give it a shot. Shocking, I know. Most people don’t know this, but I have yet to learn how to drive a riding lawn mower because I was too terrified to learn. I also vowed that I would never get a driver’s license up until the day I actually started Driver’s Ed in high school. I have never been interested in learning to drive things. But, there I was sitting in the semi, learning how to drive the 4 miles to the grain elevator and back. I thought for sure I had that mastered and of course the semi broke down. So, before I knew it, I was being trained in on how to drive the combine, where I spent the remainder of my week.

I am glad that I was able to help my dad out. There were so many points during the last week of helping him that I have wondered “How would he have managed this, if I weren’t here?” I’m sure that he would have, because I know he has done it by himself before, but hopefully I made it a little easier by helping him out! I’m also glad I was able to learn about farming and could contribute to the harvest for once in my life. And it was also kind of cool that I was able to conquer my fear of driving new types of vehicles by learning to drive TWO new vehicles in TWO days. I’m thinking a riding lawn mower should be a breeze now!

During my time of unemployment, I have also spent some time considering self employment, until I realized that the only thing I know how to do confidently enough that I would be able to take it on myself is accounting for Matco Tools distributors. So, unless like 20-30 distributors decide to turn their accounting over to me, I wouldn’t really be able to make a living off of that! I have also considered just not working and hoping that now that we have somehow magically maneuvered our way through the pile up of expensive inventory from the Tool Expo, that the business can support us on its own. Of course, then I would feel COMPLETELY lazy, being a stay-at-home wife with no children. I know, I know – there is an “easy” solution to that – just not sure I am ready for that step yet!

Anyway, aside from precious time with my nieces and nephews and time to help someone who needs it, I feel like God has been pulling me to get into His Word more and to spent time thinking about all it has to teach me. I am still working on this. But, then again, isn’t something like that ALWAYS a work in progress? It is always teaching, always showing us new things, always helping us to realize the love of the Father and the value of ourselves through His eyes.

One of the hardest things about losing your jobs – even when it’s through no fault of your own – is the feeling that comes afterward. The feeling of worthlessness, of shame. The feeling that you did something wrong. It took one COMPLETELY tear filled church service and 2 months for me to realize that I didn’t lose my job because of something I did. I didn’t lose it because I was worthless or incapable of performing my job. I didn’t have any reason to feel ashamed. I lost it because God has a different plan for me. A better plan. And that is something I should feel proud of. That He loves me enough to take matters out of my hands, into His own, and take over completely, shaping it into something I never dreamed of. And to help me find the lessons that He is teaching me. It is like He grabbed my face – smushed my cheeks between His hands, forcing me to look at Him and said, “Hey! I’ve got this! Don’t worry! Just enjoy the ride!”

I hope that these little lessons will help me form meaningful blogposts. Whether they are just meaningful to me, or meaningful to others, as well. I want to remember lessons I’ve learned, things He’s taught me.