I know what you’re thinking – “is she FINALLY returning to
blogging after her 2+ year hiatus?” The answer is no, probably not. Mostly, I
just felt that this belonged somewhere other than a “blip” on my newsfeed on
Facebook.
I was nominated for the Ice Bucket Challenge by my friend,
Ashley Bossuyt. While I have gotten a little annoyed with ALL of the Ice Bucket
Challenge videos that show up in my newsfeed (probably because most of the
people who show up there, I don’t even know, but they “tagged” friends of
mine), once nominated, I felt OBLIGATED to do it. As my 24 hours to complete
the challenge progressed, I started to get a little more excited about it,
because I decided to break the rules a little bit (if there even are any “official
rules”) and do it my own way – a way that was more meaningful to me. In light
of recent news that Steve and I received, I have chosen to donate to the USO instead of ALS.
This past weekend, we found out that one of Steve’s buddies
from the Marine Corps took his own life about a year and a half ago. I had met
him a couple times, and he and I bonded over a fear of water, while sitting on
boogie boards in the Atlantic, past the breaking point of the waves, at 2 in
the morning, while the rest of the group swam out deeper and played water games
with glow sticks. We had surprisingly serious conversations while sitting out
there, considering we had only met a couple days prior. I guess you could say
we were “fast friends”.
Eventually he and Steve ended up getting separated when it
came to the Marine Corps, and as happens, they kind of became disconnected from
each other.
Despite my best efforts in trying to track him down on
Facebook since Steve got out of the Marine Corps, apparently there are quite a
few people by the name of “Will Smith” in Seattle, Washington, and just the
world in general, and I was never able to find him.
This news came as quite a shock to me, and in the 24 hours
since I found out, my heart has just grown heavier. I have become more upset
that I wasn’t able to track him down, and that I will never know if I could
have had an influence on him and his decision if I had. My heart feels heavy
for his friends and his family that he left behind, but it feels even heavier
for what he must have been feeling in the days, months, or even years leading
him to that decision. My heart breaks for what his heart must have been
feeling.
While I don’t know exactly what lead him to this act, I do
know that life threw him some pretty wicked curveballs leading up to his exit
from the Marine Corps. He was on about the same “scheduled” as Steve, which
means he would have been out for about a year and a half, before he took his
life. I can’t help but believe that at least part of what led him to that, is
the struggle with reintegration into civilian life. I know, from experience,
that it can be difficult to adjust and to recreate your “niche” in society. To
try to pick up old friendships where they left off 4+ years ago. And to try to
force yourself back into a civilian lifestyle, when the military lifestyle is
all you have known for the past 4+ years. After 31/2
years of Steve being out, I’m still not sure that we are “there” yet (wherever “there”
is). We still struggle with fitting ourselves back into society. Even I have struggled with this and I
technically never left the civilian lifestyle.
So, there it is – the reason I have chosen to donate to the USO instead – in hopes that I can help USO to help someone
whose heart is heavy with the stress of reintegration.
And here it is – my ice bucket video. Could I have donated
to the USO without “publicly” drawing attention to myself by dumping ice water
over my head?! SURE I could have, but where is the fun of that? Plus, I thought
it would be a good walk down memory lane of the ice cold, over-your-head waves
that you have to combat in order to get past the breaking point of the waves in
the Atlantic…
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