The Last Goodbye, Take 2

Upon arriving in the airport, we were informed that there was bad weather in Atlanta, and that my flight was delayed. This time I had chosen to fly into and out of Jacksonville, instead of Raleigh, and because of the size of the Jacksonville Airport (3 gates), they only have the smaller planes, so you ALWAYS have to have a connecting flight. The nice thing about flying out of a TINY airport in a town that is made up of about 95% military families, is that they allowed Steve to come through security and sit with me at the gate while I waited for my plane. I was supposed to fly out at 3:30, and was still sitting in the airport in Jacksonville at 6:00. I think this was the first time that I had finally convinced myself to not think about the good-bye, until it was actually happening. Usually the whole day leading up to it was just torture for me. I would cry off and on all day. And although I would always tell myself, “don’t think about it until it’s actually happening”, it never worked. Until this time, surprisingly.

While we were sitting in the airport, we played games on Steve’s phone, and probably grossed people out with our PDA, but we didn’t really care. I don’t remember what time I actually boarded the plane, sometime within an hour and half after 6:00. The plane was packed since it was actually 2 flights worth of passengers, and somehow I ended up being 1 of 2 people who didn’t have someone sitting next to me. For that, I was very thankful. I fell asleep, as I usually do, probably even before takeoff and woke up mid-flight completely nauseous. We were (obviously) getting closer to Atlanta, and the turbulence was terrible! Not only was it stormy out, but we were also in one of the smaller planes that experiences turbulence every time the wind blows. I kept hoping and hoping that we were going to be landing soon before I puked all over. I made it, and landed in the Atlanta airport to find the busiest place on the planet. I found my gate (always a big concern for me when I fly) and sat down, only to have some guy tell me that the gate to Minneapolis had changed.

So, we walked down to the new gate location, sat there for a while, only to find out that it had changed again. I FINALLY got settled in the third, and final gate change, and listened to the entire airport cheer for their respective times as the Super Bowl played on every single TV in the airport. I was supposed to make it back to Minnesota around midnight, but was still sleeping in the airport in Atlanta at 11. My parents stayed at a friends house in the cities while waiting for me. At about midnight, we all boarded the plane—this time 4 flights worth of people, plus a few more whose flights had been cancelled until the next day, HOPING there were extra seats left. The whole flight was full, and it was a HUGE plane. I, of course, slept the whole way once again.

I think I finally landed at the airport in Minneapolis at about 2 am, and went down to baggage claim. I called my parents and informed them I had finally landed, and I sat there and waited for my bag to start its right around the carousel. I stood there and watched tons and tons of bags circle the thing, and never once caught sight of mine. They had lined some bags up that had somehow taken a different route and ended up in Minneapolis sooner. I walked up and down the rows of bags, checked the carousel again, and then started panicking a little.

I kept going between the carousel, and the door to the pick up/drop off zone to see if my bag had showed up, and if my parents had arrived yet. After my parents finally got there, I tearfully told them that my bag was missing. So, mom came and stood in the baggage claim line with me behind the 20 other people whose bags were also missing, and we were told that according to their records, my bags had never left Jacksonville. How that happened, I have no idea. Like I said, the Jacksonville airport has 3 gates—you could honestly WATCH them take your bag and put it on the plane. I didn’t, because I didn’t really think it was necessary, especially since they had 3 hours to get it from the inside of the airport to the plane that was right next to the building.

Somehow they screwed it up though, and I was without my bag, and without all of my daily necessities. We took our little baggage claim ticket, in place of my luggage, and headed for the car. I’m pretty sure I cried more in the car until I finally fell asleep once again. Now I think it seems silly to cry over delayed baggage, but I guess 12+ hours of sitting in airports/airplanes AFTER saying good-bye to your husband for the last time before he goes to Afghanistan will make you cry over silly things.

I slept most of the way home, and woke up once arriving in my hometown. I sat up, looked out the window, and saw…nothing. Absolutely nothing. It was a blizzard out—the wind was blowing ridiculously hard and it was blowing snow like crazy. We couldn’t see more than 5 feet in front of the car. Plus it was dark outside, and  it had been blowing for a long time, so the country roads we live on were drifted like you wouldn’t believe. Apparently it had been blowing like this—complete white-out conditions since we had gotten off the free way about 45 miles ago, but we lucked out and ended up right behind a semi, and dad was able to follow the semi going at a reasonable speed until it turned the opposite way in town, and left us fending for ourselves. We got part way down a road on the way home—going about 5 the whole time, and decided to turn around realizing that the drifts were going to be WAY too bad. We tried an alternate route, and although it didn’t make the visibility any better, it was at least a road that drifted less than the others.

We continued to drive about 5 miles an hour, never really sure whether we were in the middle of the road, or riding the edge of the ditch, but with 4 sets of eyes, we managed to stay well enough on the road that we could keep going. I don’t think we got home until about 6am. I was supposed to work the next day at about 9, so I went straight to bed, and woke up in a couple hours. The wind still hadn’t died down, but it was at least light outside, so I started my drive to Marshall. It took me about 1 hour to drive 10 miles. And it was that point that I realized that it was a really stupid idea to keep going—my friends had told me that it was the same way down there, and I wasn’t about to find out if it was the same way in the middle too. I turned around and started driving back home. After about another hour worth of driving, I finally made it back home, and spent the day recovering from the day before/that morning.

It was probably the most stressful flying experience I have ever had in my life, but I had finally gotten a good-bye I was satisfied with. One that would last me until I got to see him again.

The Impromptu Trip

I’m pretty sure I slept the whole way home. It was the easiest thing to do during a car ride like that! Three hours is WAY too long to sit and think after a goodbye like that. So I just slept. I feel bad that I wasn’t more social with my mother and father-in-law. I don’t think I hardly spoke to them the whole way home. Although, I think they understood. If I remember correctly, my new sister-in-law (Steve’s brother’s wife) said that’s usually what she did after dropping her Marine husband off at the airport too. There’s just something about letting your mind slip into subconsciousness where what is actually going on in real life, (usually) has no effect on what happens in your dreams.

For the next few days, the goodbye at the airport continued to replay again and again in my mind. It was so quick, and short, I could hardly remember it. I had already forgotten what the last hug felt like, what the last kiss tasted like, and even what our last words were—knowing that it wasn’t “I love you”. I think that if he had just been going back to North Carolina, I would have been satisfied with the way things worked out. But since he was going to Afghanistan, on a deployment that there was a chance he wouldn’t make it back from, I couldn’t be satisfied with it, and I couldn’t let it go.

I couldn’t let him go to Afghanistan without tell him one last time, to his face, that I loved him. So, within a couple days, I decided that I would never be satisfied with that goodbye, and that I needed to do something about it. Two weeks later, I was on my way to the airport once again, this time with Steve’s mom (and another lady, who was also flying somewhere) and with my bags packed. I skipped out on the second week of classes, and headed to North Carolina to see Steve one more time, and hopefully conclude with a “satisfying” goodbye.

I got a little more “daring” with this flight, and decided to fly straight into Jacksonville, which meant a connecting flight in Charlotte. I made sure there was about a 4 hour gap between my flights so I could be sure to make it! And I did! I think I could have made it from one gate to the other in about 20 minutes, but I’ve really become accustomed to sitting in airports for long periods of time, and I don’t mind it one bit (it helps that I’m kind of a “people watcher”).

I got there at about 4, and ended up waiting at the airport for about an hour until someone could come and get me. Steve ended up having to work late, so he sent his friend—the one with a car that is willing to do pretty much anything—to pick me up and take me to the hotel. And when I say Steve had to work late, I don’t mean, until 6ish. I’m pretty sure he didn’t get to the hotel until 11:30 that night. I remember being RIDICULOUSLY antsy, and checking my phone about every 2 seconds hoping to see a message informing me he was finally off work.

I also know that my attention span was the shortest it had ever been—I had all kinds of “entertainment” packed for my long wait in the airport, and the plane rides (although I don’t think I actually took out any of it until I got to the hotel) and I couldn’t concentrate on ANYTHING. I think I finally fell asleep, but even when I woke up he wasn’t done with work yet. It seemed like the longest 7 hours of my life.

He finally got done with work and made it to the hotel, and when he opened the door, I don’t think he was even able to set his bag down before I hugged him and didn’t let him go for about 5 minutes. It was SO good to see him again after that disastrous first good-bye.

He had to work every day, so I had to stay in the hotel room by myself while he was at work, and it drove me absolutely insane to sit there by myself. Before long, the weekend finally came and Steve was actually able to stay with me. One of the nights, we went to one of Steve’s friends houses—a friend that I had heard stories about, but hadn’t yet met. This was my first encounter with another military spouse that was going through the same things that I was, at the same time. We mostly sat around and talked, and despite having a double ear infection, I loved every minute of it. I was so happy to finally meet Steve’s friends and people that I had heard about so often.

The next day I spent nursing my ear infections, and we pretty much hung out in the hotel room all day and watched movies. Which was fine with me because it was not only time spent with him, but time spent with him that was completely unexpected until about a week earlier.

After about 4 days at the hotel, we packed up all of our stuff and moved it to the cabanas  on base.  These were slightly nicer than the hotel and it was MUCH better for me because I felt LOADS safer being outside by myself while Steve was at work. The cabanas had a kitchen so we bought all kinds of food and I cooked while Steve was at work. Staying in the cabanas also meant that we were closer to where Steve worked, which meant less driving time for him, and more time together for us.

Most days Steve would get up ridiculously early to go to work, and I usually couldn’t get back to sleep after he left. Only a few days of being married and sleeping in the same bed made me wonder how I ever fell asleep without someone next to me. So, I would get up and watch the sunrise over the ocean, and then usually head inside to start making dinner.

During that time, we also had some of his friends out for supper so I was able to meet more people that I had heard stories about and seen videos of. I found that they were just as hilarious as I had imagined they would be. I could immediately see why they and Steve were such good friends.

I don’t really remember what all we did during this trip out there, although I know it wasn’t much. We did some walking on the beach, but I don’t think we spent any time doing sightseeing—we didn’t really want to. We were lucky enough to be given extra, unexpected time together, and we wanted to spend as much of it just enjoying that time together as we could.

Sometime during the week, we had a sudden army of ants that decided to make a home in a crack in the wall in the bathroom. Now, initially, I was thinking “how on earth am I going to kill all these ants?!”, because when I say army, I mean there were hundreds of them. As I was about to start killing them a small area at a time with toilet paper, Steve says “I have an idea”. Not entirely sure what his big idea was, I stayed in the bathroom, mesmerized by how the ants seemed to be multiplying before my eyes. I heard him dig around in his bag a little, and then in the kitchen drawer. All of a sudden, back he comes with 3 items: a spoon, a bottle of hand sanitizer, and a lighter.

What we did from there is pretty self explanatory, I think. What you may not know is that during Steve’s first deployment, he and his friends went through LOADS of hand sanitizer. But not for what it’s actual use is. They used it to light things on fire—including their own body parts. To see this and other crazy things they did on their deployment, you can go HERE.

Anyway, we put the hand sanitizer on the spoon, lit it on fire, and burned lines of ants off the wall. We killed them all quite quickly, and then sealed off the crack in the wall they were coming through with toothpaste—apparently Steve had done this before in the barracks. Who knew toothpaste worked as caulking mechanism?!

Our final, rather humorous adventure from that trip occurred one of my last mornings there. Either the morning on the day before I was supposed to leave, or the morning of the day I was supposed to leave, I talked Steve into getting up early with me (he didn’t have to work) and watching the sunrise over the ocean on the deck. I had gone out on the deck to watch the sunrise every morning we were there, and since I stayed on the bench next to the back door, I never found it necessary to lock the door, so I left the door that locks automatically upon closing, wide open, and just closed the screen door.

Well, Steve apparently found it necessary to close the door that automatically locks (knowing that it automatically locked) and assumed that I had the key. Immediately after he closed the door, I asked why he closed it to which he responded “I dunno”. I said, “Well you have the key, right?” And of course, he didn’t and neither did I. So, we knew right away that we were locked out. Thus started Steve not enjoying the sunrise with me, and instead trying to find a way to break into the cabana. It was ridiculously early in the morning, so we didn’t really want to have to walk down to the campground where the person in charge stays, wake them up, and ask them to come down and unlock our door for us.

He tried each of the windows hoping that one of them was unlocked, and after a whole sunrise worth of trying, we walked down to the campsite, and luckily found that the person on duty was already awake. He gave us a ride back to the cabana, and unlocked our door. Upon getting back into the cabana, we checked the windows again to find that they WERE unlocked and that, if easily pushed up (not panicked, rather hard pushing, like Steve was doing) they slid open quite easily from the outside.

The last couple days I was out there, we spent relaxing together. My flight was scheduled .

on a Sunday and Steve had the weekends off, so we were able to spend the last couple days together. Plus, after the last time I was out there, we wanted to make sure that Steve was going to be able to take me to the airport

The Wedding, The Honeymoon, and the Devastation that Followed

**Okay, so I've had this typed for about a month now, and never gotten the time to post it. So, now that I am done with the planning of wedding #2, you can expect to be bombarded with blogs that have been typed in Word, but never quite made it to Blogger...

 Upon returning back in Minnesota, I started working again and started thinking about wedding planning. We set our wedding date for June 5^th, 2010, firmly believing that Steve wouldn’t have to go on another deployment for the remainder of his service. Generally, after returning home from a deployment, they are given a year to “recuperate” before being deployed again. He returned from his first deployment in March of 2009, which meant that the year would be up in March of 2010. With his 4 years up in February of 2011, that left less than 1 year for “work ups”, an 8 month deployment, and enough time for all the necessary “checkout” steps. Unfortunately, the military doesn’t always play by the rules. Actually, sometimes I wonder if they ever play by the rules. So, a short 8 months later, we got news he would be deploying again. What happened next, you can read HERE.

Despite being told deployment was a possibility in November, I don’t think we found out it was going to be a reality until about 1 week before he came home on leave. His pre-deployment leave became a part of his Christmas leave, which was a little less than fair. They added on 3 days to his Christmas leave and called it pre-deployment leave. Usually they’d get about 2 weeks for Christmas, and 10 for pre-deployment. Instead, he got 17 total for both. Doesn’t quite equal out, but, like I said, they don’t really play by the rules.

I threw together a small wedding in a couple weeks, while working and going to school. Finals week turned out to be the week before the wedding, but I somehow managed to get everything done and even found a dress to wear.

His leave started on the 18^th and he began to head for home. He had a flight out of North Carolina, and a layover in Chicago. It turns out there was HORRIBLE weather in both places. Shortly after boarding the plane out of North Carolina, they closed the airport and grounded all planes—for probably the rest of the night. I’m sure he caught the last flight. Upon arriving in Chicago, he had a series of delays and was stuck there for longer than anticipated. He finally made it on a flight and shortly after, they closed the airport down, and grounded all flights. I’m sure he caught the last flight out of there also.

I opted to stay home instead of going with his parents to pick him up. They had been finding ways to waste time as they had to leave home BEFORE he even boarded the plane in North Carolina in order to make it to the airport by the time he arrived—assuming there were no delays, of course. I’m not sure what time hw was supposed to get in, but I’m pretty sure he didn’t actually get in until 2 am, plus a 3 hour drive home, plus an 11 am wedding the next day made for tired Blair parents, and a tired Blair Marine.

I know at one point I wasn’t sure whether he would actually even make it home, and, oddly enough, I didn’t really care if we had to move the wedding again. It already had to be moved once. What was another time?

But, he did make it on time, although very tired!

We had professional photographers there, despite it being a small wedding, and they were able to capture the “groom’s first sight of the bride” moment. Not only was this the first time he had seen me in my wedding dress, but it was the first time he had seen me in 4 months. That was one of the agreements he had to comply with in order to do the small, early, December wedding, and also the reason that we had the wedding the day after he got back, and not at a later date. I decided that in order to make the wedding a little more special, I wanted it to be the first time we had seen each other—the main reason I didn’t go with to the airport.

I don’t honestly remember much of what was said during the wedding. I don’t think I paid much attention to the sermon (oops!)—but, really, if it was within a couple hours of seeing YOUR soon-to-be husband in 4 months, would YOU be paying much attention to what was said?! I do remember that I panicked upon needing to put the ring on his finger and couldn’t figure out which was his left hand—a constant battle with me to start off with, never mind adding in the fact that I now had to compensate for the fact that it was “mirror image”, and therefore opposite…

After the wedding, we had all planned on going to lunch at a local “Italian” restaurant, and Steve had arranged (with some help, of course) for a horse and buggy to take us from the church, to the restaurant. Although it was a little chilly, it was so much fun! And something that I hadn’t really done before. Luckily, the guy who operates the horse and buggy was well prepared and had about 10 blankets piled in the seat!

After eating at the restaurant, Steve and I headed to our “tropical” (yeah, right) honeymoon location. We went up to Brainerd for a few days, which is rather “dull” during the winter season. However, it was kind of nice at the same time. The place we stayed at was beautiful, and the “suites” were VERY nice, and rather cheap as well (one of the perks of traveling during the “off” season). I think we were one of MAYBE 5 couples/families staying in a lodge that had about 7-8 different kinds of “rooms” spread throughout about 20+ different buildings. It was nice to get away for a few days, even though my honeymoon wasn’t what I had initially planned.

It was a rather short honeymoon, as I had to return to work (they were working short as a result of my “last minute wedding”) and we had to return to attend the Christmas festivities. While we were in Morris, we stayed at a hotel—a wedding gift from Steve’s parents, and we also spent a week at my apartment in Marshall. Time went WAY too fast, and on January 2^nd, at about midnight, Steve attempted to “check in” for his flight the next day. Upon trying to confirm it, he was greeted with a message that said “there has been a problem with your flight, please call U.S. Airways”. He called, upon which time he was greeted with another message that informed him that all the phone lines, where currently busy, but if he stayed on the line, someone would help him in approximately 90 minutes.

With no other choice, he stayed on the line—thank goodness for speakerphone so you don’t have to hold it up to your ear constantly! We wondered what, exactly, was going on. After about an hour, someone FINALLY picked up on the other line, and informed us that his flight tomorrow had been cancelled. Now, in many instances, it wouldn’t be a HUGE deal. Usually people are able to alter their schedules to account for another couple days to catch the next available flight out of there. The military, however, isn’t very compassionate, and they don’t care if you have to ride your bike halfway across the country—you better be there. On time. So, Steve and the airline personnel attempted to find him another flight that would get him there on time.

His initial flight wasn’t supposed to leave until the afternoon—I think 4 or 5, so his parents had planned on going to church in the morning, and leaving right after church. His new flight, however, was scheduled to leave at 10 or 11, which meant we needed to be on the road by about 5 the next morning. For the record, it also required him flying to a COMPLETELY different airport than the one he flew out of—which meant, when he got there, he would have no vehicle. Luckily, he had a friend who had a car and was willing to do pretty much anything! Anyway, since Steve was still on the phone with the airline personnel, working out his new flight schedule, he told me to call his parents to inform them of the new flight time—since this meant they would have to get up earlier than they would have otherwise.

Now, by this time, it was probably 2 am, and I’m not really a big fan of calling ANYONE at 2 am and waking them up, much less my brand spanking new in-laws. I think it probably took me a good 5 minutes to convince myself that I HAD to do it and that they probably wouldn’t hate me for the rest of forever, for waking them up in the middle of the night.

At about 4 am, we packed up everything in the hotel room, and headed to meet his parents, who would be driving us to the cities. Notice I said us. I went with to drop him off at the airport for the first time. Bad idea.

Although I knew the route pretty well (of course, I probably couldn’t get there if I was driving by myself) and noticed certain “landmarks” that I knew indicated that we were getting closer and closer to the airport, I tried my hardest (and was pretty successful) to not think about how close we were getting, and just enjoy the last few minutes I had with him before he left.

His parents do the “drop and go” drop off at the airport (and I don’t blame them one bit). The one where you practically have to push the person out of the moving vehicle in order to not be harassed by the ridiculous amounts of policemen that monitor the “drop and go”. So, we all got out of the car quick and hugged him goodbye. I was crying so hard that I couldn’t even tell him, “I love you” to his face. I couldn’t even squeak it out, so with a quick hug, and a quick kiss, a voice that made no sound, and a face that was streaming with tears, I got back in the car, and watched him walk into the airport as we pulled away.

That was probably one of the hardest things I have ever had to do, and I don’t wish and airport goodbye like that, upon anyone.

My Ode to the Military Spouse

I have decided to take a break from my own military story to post in honor of Military Spouse Appreciation Day.

The military spouses I know are some of the most honorable and strong women I know. They have had to deal with anything and everything, and have handled it gracefully and without (much) complaining. Although they are all very young women, they have had to deal with much more than the average person their age, or even people who are much older than them.

To be among their ranks requires the flexibility change the entire course of your life in a matter of days (or less). It requires independence in anything and everything. It requires the ability to sacrifice not only sharing special moments together, but often times your own ambitions, goals, and desires—including such conveniences as sleep! It requires patience far beyond your average “waiting in line at the grocery store”. A patience that must last, not just days, not just weeks, but months.

But along with all these inconveniences and necessary “virtues” comes a pride that swells within the hearts of all of these women. Pride for their husbands for defending our country. Pride for their military family for doing the same. Pride in themselves for being able to overcome things they never thought they would be able to. A pride that continues, and will likely remain for the rest of their lives. It’s an experience that many of them wouldn’t trade for anything.

To live and be amongst these women is both an honor and a privilege. The bond that exists between these women is far more than a friendship, it is a sisterhood. And a sisterhood that is greater than all other sisterhoods.

I got to know a few of these women quite well and they have proven to be quite strong, inspiring women.

One of these incredible ladies is named Christina. Steve spent most of his time in the military with her husband, which means they, too, have endured two deployments. Two deployments in which Christina had to attempt to explain to their little boy where daddy was going, and why. I didn’t know Christina for the first deployment, but for the second deployment I was awed at how strong of a man she is. To endure a deployment as a wife is almost unbearably difficult. To endure a deployment as a wife, with a child, at the opposite end of the country as all of your family, I cannot even begin to imagine. However, she handled it all incredibly, and gracefully and her strength never ceases to amaze me. Even on her “bad days” (which all military spouses have at some point), she  would grin and bear it for the sake of her son, so that he wouldn’t also be brought down by her bad days. Her goal, selflessly, was to keep her little boy busy and keep him doing fun things while his daddy was gone. She is truly a great role model for how to survive a deployment with small children, and I can only hope that if I had children during a deployment that I would have handled things as well as she did. Their military journey is still continuing as he recently reenlisted for an additional 4 years and continues to serve our country, while she continues to become a stronger and more amazing “mommy” as each day goes on.

Another one of these girls, Beth, gave birth to her first baby, a girl, while her husband was deployed to Afghanistan. Another incredible woman doing the unimaginable, because of the military. She endured the last 5 months of her pregnancy, and the first 2 months of being a new mom, by herself, which is undoubtedly the hardest 5 months of a pregnancy, and the hardest 2 months of new parenthood. Not only did she do it with her husband on the other side of the world, but she did it with her family halfway across the country, and she did it with dignity, and without complaining. She is yet another military wife that has inspired me with her independence and strength.

Still another military wife that I grew to know is a woman named Ashley. Her story, in some ways, is much like mine. Her husband, too, had been with Steve for about 3 out of his 4 years in the military and were friends for all of it. They, too, went on 2 deployments together. I didn’t know Ashley during the first one, but I did during the second one. I found Ashley to be one of the easiest people to talk to, most likely because we shared similarities. We were both in the process of planning a wedding, so we always had SOMETHING to talk about. Anyway, Ashley is an incredible woman. She handles deployments flawlessly, never complaining, and never letting her “bad days” take her down. She has a certain positivity that sometimes baffles my mind. I don’t think I ever heard her express any kind of discouragement or anger toward anything deployment related, which is no easy feat considering that about halfway through people are begging the military to return their husbands! Upon our husbands’ return from Afghanistan, she made a huge sacrifice. She left a job she loved, to go live with the man she loves so he could continue doing the job that he loves. She is one that is always concerned about others and how they are doing, and always willing to help out in anyway that she is able to. She is one of the most encouraging and selfless women I have met, and I’m so glad that I was able to meet her and get to know her. She was, and continues to be, and inspiration to me in the way that she handles herself and the curveballs that life throws at her.

These three women are each incredible in their own ways and played a part in helping me to be the best military wife that I could be during Steve’s second deployment. Each day I am even further awed by these women and how much their strength grows, and how flawlessly they handle the things life sends their way, without even missing a beat. They have been through some of the most difficult situations, but have prevailed, and with dignity. I am proud to have been able to met them and I appreciate them for all that they are, and all that they do. My wish is that their bonds with their families, and with their fellow wives continues to grow stronger.

Big Surprise...

Before I knew it, those 2 months had passed and I was on my way to the airport to fly out and see him. I. Was. Terrified. Keep in mind, I had flown once before. I guess twice if you count the trip there and the trip back as separate occurrences. And that time, I was with, what could be considered “experienced flyers”. Basically, I have no doubt in my mind that they could have done the entire process blindfolded and probably wouldn’t have even run into any chairs or anything.

But, here I was, completely by myself. Thankfully, my parents drove me to the airport and made sure I got in the right line—despite them also being VERY inexperienced flyers (my mom’s never been on a plane, and I think it had been about 10 years since my dad was on one).

As I was standing in line to get through security, I said goodbye to my parents. Turns out, saying goodbye isn’t any easier, even when you know something very exciting is waiting on the other end. By the time they walked away, I was bawling with everyone staring at this inexperienced flyer. And, for the record, yes, I was wearing my sunglass in the airport in an attempt to cover this up.

I made it through the security line without a hitch, which is more than I can say for the last time I flew. And was surprised to discover that navigating the airport to find my gate wasn’t as hard as I had anticipated. Although it WAS all the way on the other side of the airport and took me about 20 minutes to get there, even with the moving sidewalks.

I found my gate and sat there. Despite being about 2 hours early, I stayed there and only left to go to the bathroom which was about 50 yards away and still in full view of the gate and where I needed to be. No exploring the airport “just for fun” for this girl!

I finally boarded the plane and felt relieved. I knew that the next two hours would be unstressful because all I had to do was sit. I landed in Raleigh-about a 2 1/2 hour drive from where Steve was. When I landed and turned my phone on, I got a message from Steve saying that he had to work a little later than anticipated, and I would have to wait a while until he could come pick me up. I was a little bummed, but happy to finally be at my destination, where I didn’t have to worry about being in the right spot at the right time anymore. I survived my first flight!

I managed to find my way to baggage claim and was waiting for my bag to come around on the carousel and Steve came walking up beside me. The little stinker had taken the whole day off and knew that he was coming to get me, and on time, but didn’t want me to know until I got there and saw him. I was so excited!

My bag finally came around and we were on our way. Although me flying to Raleigh, instead of Jacksonville was kind of a pain in the butt for Steve (I refused to take a connecting flight, considering how terrified I was about the flight when it was just a straight shot), I’m glad that I did it. Because the drive from Raleigh to Jacksonville was the very first time that I fell in love with North Carolina. I was amazed, and discovered that despite my previous notions that North Carolina would be “nothing special”, I loved it. All of it. And without that drive through back roads and small southern style towns, I’m not sure I would feel the same way about it as I do now.

We drove onto base because we were staying at the hotel on base. And it seems like the further we drove, the more I liked. We stayed at the Lejeune Inn at Camp Lejeune for a couple days. Steve didn’t have to work, so we did some sightseeing and Steve showed me around base and Jacksonville. When the weekend came, we moved all of our stuff to a beach house on Topsail Island that we rented for a week with one of his buddies. It was a cute little house with a grill and the whole works for us to use. And less than a block from the ocean and public beach access. It was perfect. We spent the next week or so driving around to different tourist attractions—an aquarium, the beach, and even went down to Myrtle Beach in South Carolina to an amusement park. It was so much fun being on our own schedule. At the end of the week, Steve went off leave and had to go back to work. I stayed home and got supper ready and worked on homework and just enjoyed the nice warm weather.

We had his friends out one night for grilling so I got to meet some of the people I had hear about in phone calls and emails and seen pictures of. And we went swimming in the ocean at midnight with glow sticks. It was incredible! I loved every minute of it!

After the week was over, we headed to yet another hotel for a couple days. A few night before I had to catch a plane back to Minnesota, Steve had called his sergeant to make sure he would be able to take the afternoon off to drive me to the airport. He was assured that it would be find. We should have known better than to believe that. The morning of the day I was supposed to leave, Steven went to work. I couldn’t fall back asleep so I watched some ridiculous show on TV until Steve texted me and told me that he was not allowed to leave work and drive me to the airport. Big surprise—this probably should have been expected, it is the Marine Corps, after all. They like to jerk your chain in whatever way possible. I was devastated. I had no idea what I was going to do.

This left me with 3 options.

1. I could just not show up for my flight or pay loads of money to get it changed to another day, then attempt to explain to my boss why I wouldn’t be at work for the next few days.
2. I could pay loads of money and risk my life by trying to find a taxi that would take me all the way to Raleigh. Or,
3. I could suck up my extreme fear of driving in large(ish) cities and drive myself to the airport in Steve’s car.

Despite my desire to choose option 1, I chose option 3. So, on Steve’s lunch hour, he came back to the hotel to get me. I drove him back to work, where we had about ten minutes to say goodbye before he actually had to start working again.

I started out I Steve’s car on my way. This was the most miserable trip of my life I think. For many reasons. The first being that I hate to drive. Period. I hate to drive anywhere and am deathly afraid of driving in heavily traveled areas—which is exactly what Jacksonville is. I also hate driving even more when it is in a car I’m not sued to driving. And, as if driving in an unfamiliar area, in an unfamiliar care wasn’t bad enough, I had just said goodbye to Steve for who knows how long and cried the ENTIRE two hour car ride to the airport.

I got there though, sighed a big sigh of relief that I made it, and headed into the airport to once again face the stresses of making sure I found the right gate. When I found my gate and sat down, I continued to cry. This was one time that I HATED leaving. Saying goodbye and walking away was completely miserable. It didn’t give me the empowerment that it usually did. I struggled the whole way back home. I was ridiculously early to the airport, which didn’t help any. I think even before I made it to the airport, Steve had finished work and started heading toward Raleigh with one of his friends to retrieve his car.

We continued to text back and forth, with him continuously telling me how much closer he was getting, until I got on the plane. He was nearly to the airport by the time I boarded the plane. It was very difficult knowing that he was once again so close to me and there was nothing I could do about it. I boarded my plane and we taxied to the runway. However, when we got near the line up for takeoff, we stopped. And we waited. And we waited more. I think we sat there for about a half hour. It turns out, the control tower never gave them permission to take off, so they were waiting for permission. It was miserable. I’m not particularly fond of aircrafts to start off with, and I’m really not fond of them when I’m stuck on one that’s jam packed full of people and not going anywhere. Plus, I had to pee, already, and I REFUSE to use the bathrooms on a plane, and I had a headache, and I was an emotional basketcase. Not a fun time.

There is no doubt in my mind that Steve had made it to the airport to get his care while I was sitting in the plane on the runway. Talk about pure torture.

We finally took off, and I’m sure I fell asleep—big surprise—I usually do. I landed relatively early, and my parents were there waiting for me. On our way home, we decided to stop and say “hi” to my uncle. I didn’t realize this until just now, but it was the last tie I talked to and say him before he had his stroke and series of other medical issues that left him confused and “in another world” for the remainder of his life.

On the long drive home, I remember feeling absolutely nauseous. I think the whole day was just too much for me. I rode the whole way home with the window down suck in as much fresh air as I possibly could to keep from revisiting whatever I had for lunch that day, and to attempt to keep my “funeral headache” from getting any worse. I think eventually I fell asleep (again, big surprise) and woke up when we finally got home and went straight to bed again.

What started off as a great trip really ended in a struggle and what I thought would be my hardest goodbye. But I was wrong—big surprise.

The Engagement Story

Steve rarely buys me flowers. By this point in the story, we had been together about 3 1/2 years and he had never once bought me flowers. He never saw the point in buying them because they just die a couple days later anyway. While I understood this, I still secretly hoped I would get flowers SOME day.

On April 20^th, Steve finally made his way back to Minnesota. It had been eight full months since the last time I had seen him in person. Unfortunately, I was still in school, and still working, which meant less time with him. However, he did come visit me down at school and stay for a few days.

What happened when he came down, I never expected.

I was in my Business Law class. I knew that Steve was planning on coming down and being there as soon as I got out of class. During class, he sent me a text message telling me that he had fallen back asleep (after a late night out with “the guys” the night before) and that he had just left on his way down—a 2 hour drive.

I was kind of bummed that I had to wait even longer to see him, but I knew I would survive. As I was walking back I was nearly back to my apartment when I saw his car pulling into the parking lot to my apartment building—he had lied so he could surprise me.

When I stepped foot in the parking lot, he got out of his car, showing a little struggle with what he had in his hand—a rose. The stem had gotten caught on the seat belt causing the head of the rose to be ripped off.

After a little look of disappointment on his face and big look of confusion on mine as I was still too far away to see what was really going on, he proceeded to walk over to me with the head of the rose.

When we were finally standing face to face, he got down on one knee, held out the rose to me and asked me to marry him. I looked into the rose to find a diamond ring placed within its petals. With tears in my eyes, I took the rose and said “yes”. While giving him a big hug and kiss.

We went inside to my apartment where I proceeded to take a ridiculous amount of pictures of it.

In many ways, I’m very glad that we were a ways away from most people we know. I called my mom—almost immediately after, and told her. My dad already knew he was going to ask, but kept it a secret from my mom. Steve’s parents both knew before he asked too. And those were the only people we told (right away). And it was wonderful. You usually can’t do that in a small town because someone sees a ring on your finger and it spreads like wildfire.

Before you know it, your grandma hears it in the grocery store from someone who knows someone else whose sister just happened to see the proposal taking place. Then you’re in trouble because all your family is hearing it from people they don’t even know. So, it was really nice to be away from everyone who would have someone else to tell.

We took our time telling everyone. I don’t think our siblings knew until at least two days later and grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins not until even later. We did tell my Marshall friends and coworkers—it would have been hard to keep it a secret from them! But for everyone else, we took our time, and just enjoyed finally being with each other and starting a new chapter together.

We spent the next few days together in Marshall before we headed back home to “face the masses” and let everyone know and let it spread like wildfire.

Over the next couple days, we spent as much time as possible together and with family, before we would have to face one more good-bye and he would once again be taken to the airport, and flown back to North Carolina. If I remember correctly, this good-bye was just a little bit easier because I already had plane tickets to go out and see him for June, so this time I actually knew that it would only be about 2 more months before I would see him again.

Revolution

In some ways, the first deployment was worse than I thought, and in some ways, it wasn’t as bad as I thought. I survived. Which is more than I could have hoped for. I thought for sure I was going to die the minute he stepped on the ship, but I didn’t. I made it. But, at the same time, after the first month passed and I didn’t die, I never anticipated it getting as hard as it did. I didn’t expect it to wear on me that much.

However, I learned something that changed my perspective of things, the way I handled things, and, essentially my life. I’m not even sure what “virtue” it would fall under.

Before Steve left for deployment, and while he was gone, I would get upset with him fairly easily, and over very small, unimportant things. And, I’ll admit it, in writing, to all of you—often over things he couldn’t even really control. Not my most proud moments.

Throughout the course of the deployment, I realized how valuable time was, and how stupid it was to waste it arguing. I began to realize that I wasn’t helping anyone by becoming upset so easily. And I realized that I didn’t want to do it anymore. Thus started a new way of life for me. I vowed to myself to try not to get upset with Steve over anything—especially not something that was stupid, and small and unimportant.

I think God was testing me on this to make sure that I was really serious about it, because it was only a few days later that I found out that Steve had started smoking—a habit he had picked up a while ago, but just never told me about, knowing that I wouldn’t be happy with him. I was a little upset at first, but I kept repeating my vow to not get upset and after a few minutes, I wasn’t really mad anymore.

I could see within a matter of days the difference it made in our relationship, and in who I am. And it was WONDERFUL. Steve and I very rarely argue about anything anymore, because I rarely get mad about stuff, and if I’m not mad, he doesn’t get mad. It is awesome. I love it. I still work on keeping that vow, although sometimes I fall through the cracks and get mad about something stupid. It doesn’t take long before I remember that I don’t want to be mad about anything and snap out of it, though.

After a matter of days, all the wear and tear from the deployment melted away, and I was on, what could be considered the road to recovery. I was finally able to function again without wanting to just curl into a ball under the covers and stay there for the rest of my life. I no longer had to deal with the separation and the lack of communication. It was fixed—for the time being anyway.

What happened next was completely unpredictable. It hit me out of nowhere.