Change

               Change is hard. Really. It is. It is, by far, my biggest fear (there’s that word again!) Some people are scared of snakes. Spiders. Heights. Me? None of those. But change. Change is terrifying to me. IT’s not really the small changes that bother me – the changes in how something is done, how something looks, how something operates. I’m talking the major life changes. The ones where you better be dang sure that you are committed to because once you make the leap, there’s no going back. You’re adapting on the fly.

               I imagine I’m not the only one who feels that way about change, though. I don’t know a lot of people who are ALWAYS willing to dive headlong into change without even considering the cost of what gets left behind.

               I have felt change brewing in my life for a while now. And, honestly, it’s been mentally exhausting to me trying to calculate the costs. The benefits. The whats, the whys, and the whens. It’s largely the reason for my word – movement.

               The word movement was assigned to me, by God, via a friend. I truly believe that. And with a word like that, you can only assume there’s going to be lots of changes involved. BIG changes. Which only leads to more antagonizing myself over what. And when.

               Trust (which also seems to be a recurring theme in my life lately) is also hard. And terrifying. And sometimes a bit confusing.

               In my original post about my word for the year, I mentioned that I thought I knew what it meant but that every time I tried to move, it became very clear that the movement I was making was wrong. And I had kind of assumed that meant I was going in the wrong direction altogether. And, honestly, it kind of bothered me. Because I felt like all of these signs were pointing me down the path that I was supposed to take and that I was thing being told that I was going the wrong way. But then when I turned around and went back, the signs still pointed to the path I had started out on. See? Confusing.

               And, I will (slightly shamefully) admit that I kind of feel like I’ve been on this continuous loop for months. See? Exhausting.

               But I think the key. The true key. Is that I was missing the trust factor. Because sometimes it’s hard to remember that God hand delivers us where we’re supposed to be. Hand. Delivers. He doesn’t just point us in the right direction and give us a shove and wish us the best of luck. He points us down a path and then He fine tunes that path. The path gets narrower. Because there are other paths that branch off. And it’s THOSE paths that he shuts down.  It’s THOSE paths that He says ‘Nope, you’re not turning here.” And a lack of trust generates fear. And fear, which is designed to keep us complacent makes us throw our hands up in the air and say “Well then I’ll just go back to the beginning and hang out there.” Because it’s the one place that you know that you’re safe. That you won’t get lost. Or eaten by a mountain lion. But then we realize that even staying where we’re ‘safe’ is wrong. So we had back up the trail. Again.

               It’s easy to get frustrated. And to forget that we’re STILL POINTED IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION. And that just like real-life hiking paths, there are branches off of it that are NOT right. For us. So we have to go back. But not all the way back to the beginning. Just back to where we made a wrong turn. So we can try a different path. One that will actually lead us to the destination God has had in mind for us the whole time.

               It can be hard to remember that God had the ability. The desire. The will. To see us ALL the way through. That He doesn’t just leave us to stumble our way through the woods, tripping over logs or getting lost. We just have to maintain trust – that He is hand delivering us exactly where we’re supposed to be. And that, sometimes, that means removing ALL other options. Even ones that look like they lead in the right direction. ESPECIALLY ones that look like they lead in the right direction. Because those are the ones we’re most likely to go down. And the ones we’re most likely to get lost on.

               Change is scary. Terrifying. Exhausting. It can challenge our trust. But maybe it’s meant to. The only way to build trust is to see things ALL the way through. And see that promises were kept. That our best interests were ALWAYS priority. And that all the directional signs and dropped bread crumbs WEREN’T misguiding us. But were keeping us pointed in the right direction. So we could make it to our TRUE destination. Our TRUE purpose. Instead of just ‘kind of in the general area.’

               Trust that you’re not lost. Just being hand delivered on a path you never would have chosen yourself because you couldn’t see the end. And where it leads. Trust enough to just. keep. moving.