When I
committed to my journey towards fearlessness, I mostly meant in regards to my
relationships with people. There was a time in my life that I would talk to
anyone about anything. I was outgoing. I was conversational. And somewhere
throughout the course of my life, that changed. I didn’t realize it when I
started my pursuit of fearlessness, but I discovered along the way that the
change largely had to do with things that had happened to me. Hurt I had
experienced. That closed me off to people around me. And while that part is
definitely something I’m still working through, and probably will be for a long
time, looking back on the past year, I think I’ve come along way on my journey
to fearlessness – in relationships anyway.
There
were a few things that I wasn’t expecting when I started this journey, though.
A few things I learned.
The
first thing, is how much the fearless mentality would influence my life as a
whole. The attitude spilled over into other aspects of my life. Not JUST
relationships. I’ve more or less adopted the “all you need is 20 seconds of
insane courage and something great will come of it” way of thinking. (See the
movie “We Bought A Zoo” for more info on this.) Am I truly fearless? Heck no. I
do things that terrify my all the time. And I used to back down from them. But
now? I think, “20 seconds of insane courage” and I DO them (most of the time).
Does it really only take 20 seconds? Most of the time, yes. Because in 20
seconds (or, most of the time, less) you can COMMIT to something. And once
you’re committed, there’s a good chance you’re doing it. Going ziplining? 20
seconds to enter your credit card info and pay for it. And I’ll be danged if I
just paid $150 to chicken out! Run into someone with Minnesota license plates
in a random state on vacation? 20 seconds to strike up a conversation with them
find out where they’re from and maybe make some new friends. Need to have a
tough conversation with someone that you’re total dreading? 20 seconds to set
up a date and time to get it done. All it takes is 20 seconds of insane
courage. And you’d be surprised how easy it is to muster up that 20 seconds
when you look at it that way. It’s changed my life. Sure there are still times
that I fail at remembering my “20 seconds” and just chicken out, but it’s a
work in progress. And it’s something that has allowed me to experience life
more fully than ever before.
The
other thing that I wasn’t really expecting, was how much I would be called to
BE fearless. Even when I didn’t want to be. I won’t lie. I went into this
thinking that I would teach myself to be fearless like I used to be – but on my
OWN terms. That I would be the one dictating what that looked like, where it
happened, and when it happened, which is good in theory, but we all know God
doesn’t operate like that. No. He says, “okay, if this is what you want, we’re
going to perfect it. We’re going to make it bulletproof.” And in order to do
that, it needs to be tested. Again. And again. And again. And in different
capacities. In your relationships. In the work you do. In the physical sense.
In your smaller day-to-day decisions. And in your huge major life decisions.
It’s gotta be tested EVERYWHERE. Multiple times. And tested it has been. It’s
certainly not bulletproof yet, though. Because I can still see where I’m being
pushed a little bit further, but the fear still holds me back. It’s still a
work in progress. And something that I will continue with going into next year.
While
these lessons were unexpected and difficult at times, I’m so glad for what this
journey turned into for me. It’s amazing where a quick thought, a nagging idea,
and the pursuit of a (seemingly) outrageous and totally random vision has led
me. And how it has changed my life. From living a passive life because of fear,
to living a full, fearless life. 20 seconds of courage at a time.
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